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midousuji

( spething about the kids choice awards )

midousuji

( imm watching spongebob and avoiding chores )

midousuji

word vomit isn't how i like to do these things. i try to make them precise and perfect, but it's half past midnight, and i have nothing written. i need to fess up, i try to cover up how bad i am at this with trying to be perfect, and that probably shows up. i search for the words to make you love me more every day with these letters, and every letter, i realize i'm drying up the well. it's getting harder and harder to sit here and say these things that are scratched away at until they're poetic and full of feeling in the right manner, but thinking about it, is there a wrong manner one can tell someone they love her? is there a wrong manner for me to tell you that i care about you more than any other woman i've known in my life, that i don't mind the periods of silence anymore, and i think it'd be nice to just quietly read in bed with you? i want a lot of things in life. i admit that, i am a spoiled child. i eat too much sugar, and i love my way of doing things.

so fine. i'm spoiled for saying so, but i want you during the holidays, and i want you during the days that aren't holidays, and i want you all year 'round. i want you when the sun's up and when the moon awakens. i want you when life is easy and when it's hard and i want you even when i think to myself about how hard it is to talk at all.

so when you say you'd sing all i want for christmas is you to me, it feels like an unintentional agreement on your part. i'd still scream, but the embarrassment isn't quite what you think it is, i suppose.

i love you. merry christmas. i'm sorry it's not spent together, again... but there's always the many many more christmases we'll spend together, isn't there? after all. this is our third, and that's already way more than i've celebrated with anyone else.

take this, and know that i wrote it to make you smile, even if it's a little bit.

take this, and know that i made it to rebrand my teenage years and burn you into them, instead of every mistake i made.

take me and know that i'm cheesy and loud and i scream when i'm embarrassed because i know that you love me too, even when my brain gets cloudy and other things yell at me that that's not true.

midousuji

( three years )

midousuji

( valentines day 2015 part deux )

midousuji

( valentines day 2015 )

midousuji

( christmas 2014 )

midousuji

( we could hallmark it, i suppose )

midousuji

( i don't want your memory in my head, no, i want you here with me )

syrup

( valentines day 2014 )

syrup

i'm typing this up as i clean and do chores, so it might be a little incoherent. i'll finish it when i see the meme links go up, so it might get long or short or i don't know how long. i'm sorry about that.

i think 2013 was actually really good for us. i know that might not be the truth for you, but i thought we did well, personally. i know the year wasn't particularly good for you, and a lot of not so great things happened. but for us, as a couple, i was very happy this year. you made me really happy this year, in spite of the fact i moved across the country, in spite of my great uncle dying, in spite of my depression, in spite of all my issues -- you made me happy. and i feel so secure with you. i have a lot of fears regarding myself. i'm very insecure, we're both aware of that, but when i look back at the year, i realize how confident i was, and am, in us. i love you so much, and you've been so wonderful to me. you've been nothing but patient and kind to me, even when i know i've made you frustrated, and did really bad things.

i know i'm trying. i know i make mistakes. i know i could be better, really. i'm working on it. i'm trying very hard. i'm bad at talking about how things make me feel, i'm bad at talking to people when i'm upset, and i'm bad at being honest. i bottle things up, and i'm bad at expressing myself. i grew up in an environment that forced me to grin and bear it, and that's what i'm used to. you tell me a lot of the time that i don't have to talk about it if i don't want to, and i appreciate that -- but it's clearly not what i should be doing. i love you and respect you and as much as i have difficulty expressining myself, i need to learn to. i've slowly done that, even though it's sometimes taken me an hour or two to really even begin to start to open up. i'm sorry. i'm going to work on that in 2014.

i'm sorry for my behavior these last few days. i've been needlessly difficult... i guess it's hard for me to really accept i've been happy for an entire year. i struggle because i'm not used to being happy. i'm sorry.

but i really do love you, and i love being with you, and spending time with you, and talking to you, and knowing you're there. i love making you happy and seeing you happy, i love doing things for you. i enjoy these things. i don't feel obligated to do them, i just want to do them. i think that's the difference between you and i's relationship, and how i know i'm happy. i want to document us. i want to do silly things like scrapbook with you and write about how happy you make me and save them forever, i want to take pictures with you and document our lives together. i don't feel obligated to do that, i just want to. i love you and i want the entire planet and people i meet in every day life to know that. i want pictures of you in my wallet to awkwardly fall out when i'm pulling a credit card out or something silly like that. i want you know that -- i really do love you and i am, as of the last day of 2013, going to make an effort to make it known how much i love you.

i don't know how 2014 was for us. i have some hopes. i really hope we ended up like this couple. i really hope we got closer, and i got better at a lot of things. i hope that i managed to show how much i appreciate you every day, and i hope that i got healthier. i hope you were happy, and i hope that i had a part in that. i hope that you're healthy and well, and i hope you;re happy with where you are in life. i hope that you're not unhappy, at least, and that you never felt stifled. i hope you've done at least a few things on your bucket list, too.

i'm glad we spent the year together like we did, and i'm looking forward to how we'll spend 2014 together. i promise to help you achieve happiness. by the time you read this, we might have done everything i just listed, and if so, i hope you were happy. even if we didn't, i hope you were still happy. i love you so, so much, and i am so, so glad we're together.

... i did not finish this when the meme went up. i guess it's hard not to talk endlessly about you.

syrup

happy anniversary! are we supposed to say that to each other?? i have no clue. i'm not good at this sort of thing, largely because i... have never done it. well, there's a first for everything, i guess. probably. actually, that's a really grim statement, when you think about it.

i do have something for you, but in order to do open it, you're going to have to play a little game. it's a simple little scavenger hunt -- just reply to this post with the things you find that you feel fit the theme most. it can be a picture, a quote, a video, an audio clip, a blog post -- anything you want. the twist, of course, is these things should be easy because they're also questions in a way... you'll see what i mean. the theme, of course, is romance, because spongebob squarepants didn't work out as well i hoped it would. there's no deadline, so take as long as you want.

the things you have to find are:
your ideal date
a song you want to dance to
a color you can feel
an end to an evening
flowers
a vacation
candles
a movie
an emotional bandaid
the place you want to go to most

good luck, i guess?? i mean you'll finish it eventually, but......

syrup

( you carried romance in the palm of your hand )

syrup

tear you apart - she wants revenge
as the moon sets - we are wolves
fresh blood - eels
wolf like me - tv on the radio
hungry like the wolf - duran duran
my vampire - soho dolls
the first full moon - sufjan stevens
we must be killers - mikky ekky
gods and monsters - lana del rey
full moon - the black ghosts
kill of the night - gin wigmore
seekir - zola jesus

http://8tracks.com/cauldron/as-the-moon-sets/

syrup

baby you ain't looking right - powersolo

love me dead - ludo

nobody puts baby in the corner - fall out boy

bronx sniper - mister heavenly

dropped - phantom planet

kiss with a fist - florence + the machine

love love love - of monsters and men

hell is around the corner (instrumental) - tricky

http://www.sendspace.com/file/xzvxsm

syrup

All right, I admit it, this is not the most romantic gift. In my defense, I didn't go for romantic. I just wanted to give you something I knew you wanted.

This is, you see, the beginning of a multi-chapter fic of that one au we came up with, Todd Allison and the Violet Craft. At the moment it is almost 10k words, three chapters and a prologue long. The prologue and first two chapters are nearly finalized, so if you see anything you think should be cut, added onto, or even when to add your own spin onto, let me know and that can be done. My intention with this was for it be half-way caught up to what's canon already, but as it is, it's only up to chapter 3. The fourth chapter might be done tomorrow, but the the last one posted is very much the first draft, so it's choppy. I excluded my notes, because they're very.... well not good for the reading experience.

There are certain things removed from this that I do plan to add onto it, something I like to call seques wich are just shorts. The first was going to be a report on the first spirit encountered, from Clancey's files, the second was going to be an Elijah and Meredith short, the third was going to be about poor Elizabeth Broomwell and her ridiculous name, and the fourth was supposed to be the third chapter from either Elijah or Meredith's perspective. That's just planned things, though.

Again, this is really, really rough. It's nothing great, by any means, but it's the first major draft I have going for this, and I do intend to keep with it. If you'd like to join me on that, I'd be overjoyed to share the experience with you.

For now, please... well, enjoy, I suppose, this first draft of Todd Allison and the Violet Craft.

Here's the navigation post. It's not finished -- I'll make it pretty tomorrow, since I obviously KIND OF... TRIED... lmao but yeah

Happy Valentine's Day, my love!

syrup

I'm sorry that this is the extent of what I can do at the moment; ideally, I would have taken you out to dinner and a movie and then came home to enjoy some chocolates or something, but unfortunately, distance is a massive asshole.

For now, I'll give you this. It's the first part, and you'll get the second part tomorrow. That's probably for the best, since it's embarrassing and I would rather not sleep with that on my shoulder. So! Here's this. It isn't particularly special, but I think it does convey how you make me feel, I think, very well.

I love you, Mira, and hopefully we'll be spending next year's Valentine's Day together, too.

https://8tracks.com/cauldron/you-tasted-like-star-dust-and-full-moons/